What's happening to me? I'm trying so hard. I'm trying so hard. I'm trying so hard. And I'm trying so hard. Nothing's coming out, though. I'm just a child with scissors trimming at the components of my life, naively operating, pretending to have the skill of a surgeon. It's just a reduction of all of the extensions of me- a severing of unneeded appendages. A severing of unneeded people.
I have learned to control my hopes and in turn manage my disappointments.
While it holds true that anything is possible in a world of infinite possibilities,to be practical you have to accept this as a pessimistic statement rather than one of optimism. People like to entertain this as a thought of opportunity instead of exploring the other side of it- the side that explores the anomaly of the world essentially shitting on you (often) with no explanation. Or even with an explanation. You see, you have to understand that there is absolutely no one that owes you anything. If you believe otherwise I have to inform you that you are ignorant. But you... you.... you are nothing. You're a nothing plagued by rules laid out by other nothings. Plagued by rules laid out by your own psyche.
Ungratefulness. The problem I have with people complaining about others being ungrateful is that I can't help but pin the person as extremely selfish. Deductive reasoning can only point to the fact that whatever you did for that person that you thought they should be grateful for was really only done for your ego. Whatever goodness you thought you were achieving has no validity in my eyes because it was done out of a need for gratification. I'm certainly not going to agree that you deserved the edification you think you do.
The perception of what is edifying is another flaw in this I-deserve-the-world-on-a-silver-platter manner of thinking. Modern culture has splashed acid in our eyes and confused us about beauty. They've made beauty a fixed idea by defining it as 1) tangible 2) elite and 3) removed from emotion. Why is this relevant?Your edification is getting to participate in something that is beautiful, that's fucking why. The exchange itself was beautiful. The human to human connection was beautiful. Stop giving a fuck if someone thanks you or not because that situation was way more complex than you can conceive (or are willing to, you simple minded twit.) Even if you are too far removed from understanding the wonder in EVERYTHING, I'm not forgiving the action because genuineness is not too much to ask for.
Oh, and beautiful things. The hilarity of it all is that I can never find examples of this in the institution that man-kind has created. Beauty is very much connected to spirituality and its appreciation can only spawn from identification of this emotional engagement and an analytic understanding of this connection. And mostly, I believe that beauty is derived from mysticism. You know what's beautiful? You are. Your consciousness pulsating through your body. It's an ignored phenomena that I can't get over, one that makes me a little too aware of the body I'm locked in, and a little too aware of the person beside me. And how? How did my soul get trapped?
And for all this, I'm whittling all the bullshit out. I just can't stand the selfish need of everyone for me. This is why people are ungrateful; this is why I'm ungrateful. I'm ungrateful because I already know that everything that you are doing for me is for you. While I'm polite and probably will thank you, I can't possibly always mean it, which is why I have to detach from you. It's not fair to me to have to be burdened with guilt of insincerity due to your insincerity. (It's usually a choice between impoliteness or insincerity.)
Meekness. Humility. Sincerity. These are the things you should be seeking, you self-entitled scumbag.
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