Well, kinda.

I am starting to have friends. (Though this is debatable).

I don't know what it is about living that makes me so grey. Surely I'm not the only one who sees the utter deification I am living in. And more than anything I think this makes me want to talk to people as though they all had a mental handicap that I somehow overcame, or maybe never had. I say the same generic conversation to avoid boring the surface mindset of such cookie cutter, average joes. It's always the same disconnect, so I sit on my thrown and observe every aspect of the people around me and analyze there potential thoughts in depth, just trying to figure out if they possess at least an equal amount of consciousness. I would like to say that like I have a high realization of life; I believe I do.

The main problem I face with dissecting people close to me is that I always find out too much and then I have to put my facade back up and pretend that I only know the them that they want me to. I used to scoff at the phrase "ignorance is bliss" because all I could think about was the agony of only having enough sense to realize that there are things you'll never uncover because you just mentally can't. Maybe I'm right, but I also know that in context, the saying is pretty spot on... except maybe it could have an amendment: "complete ignorance is bliss."
It's more truth full, don't you think?



... seriously, everything I just wrote is the problem with me. I'm too critical and self-righteous. I put my state of mind on this pedestal but want to play life like an equal with the same expectations I have for others. I care, but I don't. I just want to be happy and live life. It's all about actually trying to experience life, right? It's about being human, right? Maybe you'll fight me on this one, but this is me actually being happy. I really think all of this but in the most sickeningly cheesy way. If I could just reach a little farther maybe all my vanity would be worth while.