Time is a double edged sword.
Although saying that may have just made my thoughts cliche and pointless, I feel the necessity to explore the duality of the paradox of time; a theme that has been rewritten and replayed to infinity. Time is very important, and when people fail to believe that my time is important, I steam. I've spent a lot of time thinking about time. More than I can be comfortable with after all of my conclusions.
Initially, as in all beings, time was infinite in itself. It's a necessary thing to experience oblivion, to disregard the offenses of time. To live in a moment when it is just a moment to be forgotten, a moment that doesn't have to be anything because you don't know that you run out of moments. It's bliss, but you are unaware. And although it is a necessary blank slate to build perspective on, it is also one of the greatest human flaws.
Our consciences are birthed into an illusion of immortality. Because time is a moment. And a moment. And another moment. Time, in our realities, is a serious of moments strung out so quickly that we don't even notice it, but, instead, mistake our frame by frame life for fluid body movements and 12 hour increments. It takes years to finally scope the proximity of time. Time is complex because it is arranged in fractals, and while it can be broken down into an infinite number of measurements, I believe there are two ways it should be analyzed that pertain to humanity.
Forever.
Time is grand, so large I cannot think of anything appropriate to describe it. It would be as impossible for me to explain as it would be for you to understand. I can't conceptualize eternity because it's not part of my entity. I won't experience forever so I cannot relate in any manner to this form of time. All I can do is acknowledge and appreciate its existence. The only thing this sort of time is good for, beyond the work of scientist and the likes, is a tool of measurement and comparison.
Lifetime.
We are not told as babies and toddlers that we were meant to die. We are not taught anything on the subject, really. We cannot be told about the abstractions of life because there are too many uncertainties that provoke the adult mind. Adults cannot answer the wondering child's mind so we must learn on our own.
This is what I have learned:
Time is constant; time is everything. The snippet of time that is allotted to me is nothing. A single burst of freedom. And what for? There is infinite time, so why was I only given 100 years? Is it the greed of the gods or is it a favor of them; my body will get weak and feeble. My first realization was just that: time is nothing. Then there's my second realization: time is all I have.
I'm petrified by the idea that I have wasted so much time. When I realized what every day, every hour, every second actually meant it threw me into hysteria. There were days at a time that I would refuse to sleep and use all means to keep myself awake. I wouldn't watch movies or spend time on the computer because that made time happen so much faster. It was as if I could see death approaching from 70 years away with every stride of the hand.
This was dramatic, I know, but I was a teenager.
Time should be valued because it is precious. Especially other people's time. When other people are willing to sacrifice any of the minuscule amount they have been granted you should be bubbling with appreciation for it.
Moreover, when people value my time, I adore them; when people don't value my time, it literally sends me into an anxiety attack... with tears, purple lips, concrete lungs and the works.
Make it mean something.
